Every day I find another reason to be grateful. My stipend or living allowance was a couple weeks late in being delivered to my bank account this month and you should have heard the volunteers grumbling! (Or maybe its better you didn't.) This was frustrating and I'm grateful to have had some money in my stateside account to hold me over, but I was given a perspective by another volunteer who pointed out the many families who have their one meal a day and are grateful for just that. I don't know why she needed to point that out. I see poverty and want wherever I go. And I personally wasn't starving. My cabinets were full of rice and beans. My fridge stocked with some vegetables, a few condiments and cold water. I had some shillings to buy eggs and flour to make tortillas. And it was just me to feed - not six kids I might have had by now if I'd been born in Belize, had not been educated about my sexuality or equipped with whats needed to prevent pregnancy and disease. I have medicines at my disposal due to the benefits and resources provided by Peace Corps. I'm a Peace Corps volunteer, given the chance to live and work in another country and enjoy or endure all the experiences intrinsic in the job. That right there is such a huge blessing and one that I could stand to remember. It seems that I often times, lately, dive into the negative experiences of being a PCV. The bureaucracy of Peace Corps as a governmental organization gets me down sometimes but I do my best to remember that I'm not here for the organization. I'm here to build relationships. I'm here to learn about a culture and share mine and others with the people with whom I interact. I'm here to work with kids - even if they sometimes make me crazy - and to let them teach me how to be child like again. I'm here to offer my time and knowledge and enjoy the time I have in a country quite different from my own. And I'm here working a job where I set my own hours, make my own schedule, write my own to-do lists, engage in whatever projects I choose, and take off for a weekend quite often to tropical beaches, small villages with swinging hammock bridges and thatched houses, visit local community events and festivals such as Cacao festival, Band Festival and Art Exhibits. I get to do some pretty awesome things down here. I guess I'm taking this time and space to reflect on it all for a moment before its gone and I'm on to a different life, different culture, different routine. For as different as this is, it has in so many ways become 'normal' to me and the difference will be drastic when I return to the land of plenty, the global empire that is the United States of America.
Yesterday I went with my coworkers to a nearby village right on the border of Guatemala, where only Spanish is spoken and white people are few. (I was most likely the only one there that day.) One of the ladies I work with took great pride in introducing me to all the people we passed as her "companera de trabajo" who came all the way from ALASKA! Wow! I have to laugh and shake my head a little because she is obviously emphasizing Alaska in a sensational way, seeking reactions from the people and enjoying the interactions. But its humbling none-the-less because I am white, I am from the states, I am from Alaska, and I'm here to do some good work. I'm seen as a very different, special person here. I'm put on a pedestal sometimes that I have not earned, but simply am given based on the color of my skin and the country where I was born. Sometimes that gets tiresome, especially when I'd just like to walk down the street in a pretty summer dress, enjoying the breeze and the coolness of my attire, without feeling so many eyes on me or hearing the hissing and calling. (I actually got a marriage proposal the other day because I left the house in a dress. That hasn't happened in a while!) Men and unwanted attention aside, people are curious about me, still and that curiosity lends me the opportunity to share about myself, my culture, my values and my experience here. And it is a unique experience because I know that when I go back to the states, I'm going to be just another white person - a role that will be appreciated perhaps, but may also come with a bit of shock.
But I'm not just another white gal. I have had the past year and a half full of rich experiences which have shaped me, impacting my outlook on life and adding to my understanding of the world and the global network of issues affecting all of humanity. I was born an American and I guess what I'm getting at is that I have a responsibility to use that privilege to do something good for others. I've heard stories about people from the US going out into the world and doing their great international works, then wanting to stay to join the fight that their community undertakes. The American has an opportunity to fight the battles from a different, and often more adventatious, location though. I'm not sure how I'm going to do it, or what greater purpose my life will serve, but I know that I have amazing opportunities ahead which I can use to benefit those less fortunate. Its humbling to be from the states and confront the stereotypes and expectations that others have of "Americans". Its also really important that I recognize the privileges with which I was born into and the possibilities that exist for me.
Understood. Capiche. Entiendo.
With Peace Corps service almost over, I'm shifting my thoughts and energies into a transition and towards the future a bit, planning the next steps and figuring out what to do with myself. I've realized that I'd like to get employment somewhere, hopefully in Portland for now, doing something "meaningful to me, and helpful to others". I love this slogan and think I'll hang onto it, always seeking to find meaning in what I do and to help others in substantial ways with every expense of energy.
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